Harmonizing with Destiny Child’s WITH my one finger on my ear “It’s just emooooo-tions taking me oooveeerrer”. Love that song! Can’t stop singing it since I’ve begun thinking about this entry.
Let’s talk about emotions! Where do they come from? Can we control them? And how do they serve us?
I wasn’t sure how I wanted this entry to go. So, I took a pause to feel what emotion was present in that now moment. As I was closed my eyes and took a few slow deep breaths, in that pause I’d become acutely aware I’ve not heard from my boyfriend in quite a few hours, and it was his off day. The presence of annoyance made itself known. I figured you know what, this will be an interesting jumping off point so let’s roll with it [cracks knuckles]. I’m joking with the cracking knuckle’s part.
This is a safe space remember!? I vowed it on the About Me page.
For context, my boyfriend is great. We fit quite well together. The energy is reciprocal, we communicate well, we hold space for one another, the intimacy is great, he’s very supportive, very genuine, and I’m a very happy girl.
Now, my ego however, can be… rather grand at times. And in that moment my ego was saying “How dare you?”, “What could possibly be more important and worthy of your time and attention? Please, enlighten me.”
*As I stand there (in my mind) arms folded, eyes squinted, head cocked to the side, foot tapping.
Note Worthy Moment: I never claimed to be sane. I claimed to have tools.
Before we proceed let us take stock of the situation, shall we? I have a boyfriend whom I’ve not heard from in hours (check), I have a raging ego (check), and I’m annoyed (check). There are quite a few directions I can go here. I could____________.
A) Chalk it up to being a [insert characteristic] and rain down the fire of my rage on him.
B) Call myself irrational, push the emotion aside, and move on from it.
C) React with a petty counter maneuver.
D) Vent about it to a friend.
E) Break up with him.
F) None of the above.
If you answered anything other than F, then maybe… maybe you just stick around till the end of the entry. I’ve learned a few things and I’m here to share.
This is not to say I’ll never respond irrationally, abruptly, or try to ignore my emotions because I’ve been enlightened, and such behaviors are beneath me. I’ve been raised by my fair share of hot-headed women and I’m human. I am not immune to being at the mercy of my emotions. Every once in a while, I forget I have tools available to me to work through them. Every once in a while, I find my emotions are navigating me versus me navigating them. Emotions are fleeting and if you don’t understand them they can be tricky. You do not want to live life being at the mercy of them.
But yes, the correct answer is F. The emotion is present and there is nothing I can do about it being in my energy field. What I’m about to say next is how I deal with all my unfavorable emotions. This practice has served me well. There is value in it so I’m sharing.
I first acknowledge the presence of the emotion (bringing awareness to it immediately transfers a little of its power to me). I then let it speak to me. I let it tell me where it came from, and what was the triggering moment (Now it’s weakened. I hold the majority of the power, AND I have a focal point). I narrow in. I let the emotion tell me what it THINKS is the reason it deems its presence necessary, and I listen. Once I’ve heard it, with love and grace, I go, “Okay, why did that bother you?” and as it responds, I listen. I truly listen and receive the information. I don’t judge or shame what comes through no matter how selfish, shallow, dark, or nonsensical it may seem. Then I dig deeper asking it further questions until I’ve struck gold.
The answer is always and without fail about me. It’s always some kind of perception my ego has built up about myself based on past experiences. In my case it usually pertains to worthiness. It’s always something I have control over and can soothe within myself.
As I listen to my emotion I hold space for it. I take in the information from a place of unconditional love for myself and I affirm to myself from that place. In this case, I was feeling a need for security and assurance stemming from a place of insecurity. Instead of reacting from my ego, I take time to speak acceptance into myself. I let myself know I acknowledged that I’ve been in a place where I’ve felt unappreciated and like I wasn’t enough in the past. I reassure myself (and really mean it) that I accept me regardless of if anyone else does or doesn’t, I will always be there for me, and I will always nurture and care for me. I shower myself with love, praise, and affection. Once I feel warm and loved and sometimes teary, I then I release the emotion.
I have completely taken my power back, I’m no longer annoyed, and no one was caught in the crossfire of my trauma. I later communicated with my boyfriend from a space of understanding and loving myself. He understood and empathized and offered to do his best to be mindful moving forward. Self-sabotage was averted and not only am I back at peace, I provided safety and security for myself. I felt like I could conquer anything, be anything, do anything. I feel limitless.
No matter how big or how small the emotion presences is, this is a method that has never failed me. There has been times when it’s taken me a while to get to the end of the tunnel. But, even in the lengthiest of spirals and ego trips I find the enlightenment at the end to be oh so worth it. I’ve gone head-to-head with self-doubt, fear, inadequacy, shame, all of it, and I come out the victor, feeling blissful, self-assured, and lighter.
I’ve conquered many crippling anxieties with this method. I am fortunate enough to have a safe place of my own where I can feel my emotions, communicate with them, and release them in peace. I would highly advise doing this in a space you feel safe in and if people are present, with people you feel safe around.
It takes bravery and courage to listen to your emotions, to hear what our trauma-riddled egos have been brewing for who knows how long. Waiting to spew toxic internalized beliefs in hopes you’ll believe the nonsense. In hopes we stay in the comfort of our powerlessness (I will do a separate entry on the ego in the future). It’s important to listen to it but don’t internalize it, and speak loving truth into it. Hear it out because if you don’t you’ll keep being at the mercy of your past.
PRACTICES FOR FEELING THOSE FEELINGS
Journaling! Writing your thoughts out is… chef’s kiss. It’s an easy way to track where your thoughts are going. Being able to write uncensored, letting your emotions speak through you, reading it back, then debunking the shit out of it (from a place of love and compassion of course) is just… ouph. You’ll feel so good and so light at the end of a journaling session. Please try it and you’ll see. You’ll KO the fuck out of that emotion.
Meditation… One time for meditation! Meditation has my heart. As an anxious girly, sometimes, I’ll feel uneasy but not know what emotion is causing the feeling. Mediation is AMAZING for those moments. I sit cross-legged or lay down on my back, in silence, or to some frequency music. I close my eyes and take a few slow deep breaths as I feel into my body with my mind. I let my mind find stillness and let neutrality and calmness wash over me. Once I’m in that space, I’ll ask myself whatever I’m looking to know. I always get the clearest and most insightful answers from this space. I speak loving truth into myself from this state as well.
Sometimes the emotion can be too overwhelming, and you may need to take a pause and direct some of the energy elsewhere and circle back. During those times I will take a nature walk or just sit in nature admiring its beauty, and really feeling the elements. I’ll take a relaxing salt bath, cook to some jazz music, do yoga, pole dancing was really helpful. Just doing something that allows you to focus your energy elsewhere in a healthy and calming manner. Doing a puzzle, painting, having sex, coloring, playing a game, dancing, working out, whatever activity suits you.
We cannot control what emotion shows up and when (to an extent). They show up to relay a message. We get the opportunity to listen to them, truly hear them, and evolve with each understanding of them. If we don’t, the same emotion will keep popping up over and over until we hear it out or it becomes so overwhelming that it consumes us, making it harder to confront.
The more you practice interpreting those emotions the easier it will become to pass an emotion through your energy field without it causing havoc in your life. Unfavorable emotions begin to come around less frequently, then seldomly, until it’s no longer a dominant first respondent emotion in your energy.
Emotions can be our superpowers or they can cripple us depending on how you choose to interact with them. Whether they are favorable or unfavorable, they relay a message that tells us when we are on our desired paths and when we are not; when we are around those who align with us, and when we are not. They are our navigation system, our guiding light. So please be gentle with yourself as you feel your emotions. Be gentle with others and give grace. Emotions are simply playing their role in helping to guide you into being your most beautifully aligned, and fulfilled self.
-Tales of a Nobody
