If you’ve read any of my prior blog posts, you will not be surprised by how heavily I lean into the philosophy that our external realities start from within. It’s why so many manifestation tips are surround being positive. Take it from me, you can absolutely have a negative mindset, but that’ll undoubtedly produce results that keep you in that very mindset. Positive thinking is the goal. We want to be evolving into being accepting, understanding, loving, and compassionate. It’s important that we are those things to ourselves, first and foremost. When we treat ourselves this way, we can then hold that energy for others, giving them the safety and freedom to do the same. That freedom spreads like wildfire.
I say all of that to say, the state of the economy is shit. Politics pitting us against one another is shit. Extreme capitalism aiming to make us feel like we aren’t enough and need more, more, and more is shit. It’s kind of a fucking shit show out there and yet, even still, I love life and I’m mostly positive. I’ve recently come to a realization that my childhood was really kind of sad and have left me with some unfavorable effects that my present self has is navigating through, and yet I’m mostly positive. My finances are not financing at the moment (for reasons), and guess what? I’m mostly positive. It doesn’t matter what I go through, what I went through, or what I will go through, I can always find the positive, the appreciation, and the lesson in my situations. I can always be [say it with me now] mostly positive.
I’ve manifested some tough situations, and I’ve manifested some beautiful ones. The difference between the two has been and always will be how positively or negatively I view myself and the world around me.
I say “mostly positive” because I’m human. I’m not a positivity robot that never thinks or feels negative emotion. I get down about things. I can find myself on a high horse. I can feel small. I’m not twirling around, sprinkling positivity powder everywhere I go. I rub people the wrong way sometimes, I get rubbed the wrong way sometimes, I find myself complaining or judging every now and then. I hurt myself holding on to people and things that aren’t meant for me. I can get down about a situation I’m experiencing. But guess what? I am happy to report to you that never feeling negative emotions is not the key to having a positive mindset. BOOM! [mic drop]. The entire human race would be doomed if that were the case.
It’s inevitable that we’re going to feel negative emotions from time to time. Deep ego work will help to alleviate how frequently we jump to feeling negativity. We are human; it will happen even to the best of us. Negative emotions help us. They are not the enemy; they are our guiding light.
The key to being positive is to center loving yourself (especially the parts we are afraid to show others). It’s enjoying the ride of this human experience so deeply that you accept the ups and the downs that come with the process. When life is great, and everything is going well, we love it (love that for us), but when life feels restrictive, uncomfortable, and difficult, we should love those moments too, or at the very least, find appreciation in them. Accepting the duality of life and finding something positive and an understanding as often as we can in situations boosts our ability to think positively as a default.
You: Um, are insane!? What drugs are you taking!? What kind of fairytale life do you live in!? How can I be positive when everything feels shitty? Why should I be?
Me: Good questions. I’m mostly sane, I partake in natural drugs (seldomly), and I very much live in reality (with a little whimsy of course). Thank you for asking!
As I mentioned, our external realities reflect what we think and feel internally. When we move through the world with a positive mindset, seeing the beauty in ourselves and the world around us, and we just know everything is going to work out, things work out. You don’t harp on difficulty and you don’t internalize struggles as your story. You’re expecting good things to happen (or have a understanding that things do get better) and so naturally they do! You’ll be in the head space to recognize opportunities that arise that will get you in the places and spaces you want to be. You’re nervous system will be regulated, you’ll have fewer health concerns, plus, you’ll be gorgeous longer because you’re not aging yourself stressing the fuck out all the time. Life is just good when you see the beauty in it.
On the other side side of that, if you have a woe is me-victimhood mentality-negative mindset, you’ll only find more things to be a victim to. You miss out on seeing opportunities because you’re too stuck on being the victim. For example, lets say, you felt hurt and betrayed by someone, and you internalize the belief people can’t be trusted. You start to move through life with the idea people are untrustworthy. You will inevitably invite untrustworthy people into your orbit, or you’ll always find evidence that forces people into that box of expectations you’ve set for them. Eventually, as time goes on, you may find you’ve isolated yourself from people, you can’t trust anyone (including yourself, otherwise you would believe in your judgement), and you’re living a dissatisfied life. Ya see why thinking positively is so crucial! Life just suuuucks when you don’t see beauty in it. Don’t live a sucky life, we don’t have to (despite what politicians may want you to believe).
If you take the difficult times and interactions and internalize them as truth, that negative thought pattern will snowball into your belief system that keeps you consistently seeing life and/or people in a negative and difficult light. The key is NOT to internalize the bad times and interactions. Feel whatever emotion you need to feel from the experience, then release it. If it takes a while to release, then so be it, but it DOES need to be released (if you want to be happy that is). This way you can find your way to better feeling thoughts that will lead you to having interactions and situations you actually want to have.
How I do this in my personal life.
I’m very much a happy go lucky ass bitch. I’m happy to be here experiencing life and all of its beauty. I’m happy to be experiencing emotions. I’m happy to be here creating. I’m happy I get to be here with you. I fucking love you.
I love life so much. I find joy and appreciation in the smallest of things. I could be sitting on my patio sipping coffee with my cat, watching the birds flutter about, and I’m overwhelmed with love and joy. I could be eating an amazing meal I prepared for myself, and I’ll be so overcome with emotion that I have to stop and appreciate myself and all that I do for me because I just love me so much and I’m so in awe of me. I’ll be spending time with the people I love, and I’d feel so much warmth and appreciation of the love and energy I get to reciprocate with them (no matter the setting). And don’t get me started on being in nature.
Now, not everything is sweet. I’ve had experiences that left me feeling terrible. I’ve had experiences that have attacked my self-esteem and feelings of worthiness. If I’d have a bad day and may not have been kind in an interaction, I’d find myself deeply upset by my behavior. I’ve had experiences that left me feeling like my heart had been ripped out of my chest and stomped on. Moments like those, they will get me into a slump, can make me question myself, and maybe have negative thoughts of my character, but I always get to a point, whether it’s moments, days, or weeks later, where I can find my way back to myself and understand the experience does not define me but what I do with the information from it does. I move into a space where I’m like, “wow, I’m living the human experience. I am literally living my purpose being here experiencing life and learning.” That knowing brings me right back myself.
I can always get to a place where I’m accepting of myself and giving myself grace for not behaving or responding in a way that I would have liked. I accept that part of me that was unkind with love and grace. There may be a reason I can pinpoint for why I was in the head space to begin with that I get work on, and I make a conscious effort to be kinder. That moment does not define my truth. If I felt hurt by someone, I can always get to a place where I’m understanding that we are all doing our best and we’re all operating from our egos. Mine led me to the experience to show me something within me that needed a bit more love and attention and maybe the same is true for the other person. I get to a place where I understand that persons behavior is not personal and it’s just a reflection of their ego and what they’ve internalized. I appreciate those moments of hurt and loss because growth happens there. It’s where I develop my arc. I view negative emotions as a positive. Emotions give us information that allows us to evolve if we allow ourselves to.
We grow in those difficult times, I am incredibly grateful to have feelings, that I get to understand them, and that I am brave enough to honor. Our feelings are our navigation system. What’s not to be positive about. Let’s appreciate them. They are literally doing their job by guiding us to the reality we desired to live in this lifetime. We can take in the information, learn from it, and know how we want to move differently in the next experience. We are the creators and guess what!? There gets to be a goddamn next time!
I’m a happy go lucky ass bitch what can I say.
Through life, I’ve developed the knowing that being positive is not wearing a smile 24/7. It’s not ignoring our emotions, shoving them aside, and lying to ourselves and others about how we feel. Trying to trick ourselves leans into delusion (and not the fun, optimistic kind). That is not at all being positive. In fact at its core, beneath the façade, its rooted negativity and self-hatred. When we start to lie to ourselves, we are not accepting of or honoring ourselves. How can we be accepting of the duality of life and give grace in that state? We can’t. If we are finding ourselves doing that, we’d want to drop that bone and back away nice and slow.
It’s okay to have negative thoughts and emotions; we all have them. I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.
Being mostly positive starts with not hiding from ourselves, accepting our truths, feeling our feelings, honoring our feelings, accepting the ups and the downs of life, and understanding we are the creators. It’s understanding nothing is permanent. If you don’t love what you created, create something new. When you latch on to that as truth, you truly grasp the notion that things don’t happen to you, they happen for you. When we accept the duality of life we gain control, and the journey becomes fun and oh so enjoyable.
We can all be mostly positive. I’m not saying get like me, buuuuut….. It’s pretty great over here. Life is beautiful through my eyes even when it feels difficult. Give yourself grace and acceptance. If you need permission to give it yourself you have mine. I’m extending that to you and again, I love you.
-Tales of a Nobody
